LETTING GO OF NEGATIVITY

Negativity usually presents itself in 3 main categories:

• criticism

• complaining

• comparison (or judging)

These categories are often seen in a number of areas. I will present 3 common situations in which we battle with negativity.

1. OUR OWN THOUGHTS

Georgetown University psychologists hypothesize that approximately 80 % of all our thoughts have a negative slant. This is due to our protective negativity bias, which we have inherited naturally as part of human evolution. Apparently, we are more sensitive to threats in a negative state. However, this protective role is exaggerated, and it tends to hinder rather than enhance our lives.

These negative thoughts can be sticky or ruminative in nature, running in a constant cycle through our brains. Cognitive therapy suggests that we take note of negative thoughts and replace them with more accurate, positive ones. Acceptance and commitment therapy, however, uses a different approach. Dr. Andrea Bonoir, in Detox Your Thoughts, suggests that we "drop the rope" in our tug-of-war with unwanted thoughts. The steps she promotes are:

1. acknowledge the thought

2. label it

3. breathe through it

4. let it pass

In other words, rather than resisting or doing battle with negative thoughts, accept that they will probably always be a part of your inner world and move on with your life.

2. NEGATIVE PEOPLE

We all have people in our lives whose demeanor leaves a bad feeling in our hearts after we spend time with them. These are people whose conversation and attitude revolve around the 3 C's: criticism, complaining, and comparing.

So often, the focus reverts to gossiping and negativity directed at people who are not there to defend themselves. It takes courage to steer the conversation to a more positive tone. What would it be like for you to remain silent or say something positive about the subject of the gossip?

Then there are the complainers. Nothing is ever right for them. It's the weather, or their boss, or the government. The finger is always pointing outward at someone or something other than themselves. Unfortunately, complaining is contagious, so you would do well to limit the time spent with these individuals.

3. THE NEWS

Positive, wholesome stories do not make it to the headlines. The news is a source of a great deal of negativity and can contribute to feelings of anxiety and depression. Why do we continue to subject ourselves to news that may not even reflect the reality of a situation? We are seeing and hearing the version of the news that is slanted in the direction of the journalists' biases and opinions. I'm not suggesting a "head in the sand" stance, however, taking a break from the news could have a positive impact on your mental health.

In order to let go of the negativity that weighs us down, we can do these 3 things: stop struggling with negative thoughts and deal with them in an accepting, gentle manner. Limit time with negative people in our lives, and take a "news holiday". Try decreasing these negative influences, and judge for yourself if you are happier and more peaceful as a result.